20. Eat a cell phone
19. Reenact my entire bar mitzvah
18. Read all of Infinite Jest
17. Gay club in South Beach in just a speedo for an hour
16. Text "ur a whore" to every woman in my phone, including my mom
15. Let Dick Cheney ride me like a horse
14. Wear any hat, no matter how stupid
13. Level 2 or lower STD
12. Learn the banjo
11. Mormonism